"This illness is to fatigue,
what a match is to a nuclear bomb.
It's an absurd mischaracterization!"
~Laura Hillenbrand

December 13, 2008

Ups and Downs and Motorcyles go 'round

I used to love teeter-totters - especially this really huge one we'd play on when we went camping in the redwoods!! (if you fell off when you were at the top... you were in serious trouble!) I loved the feeling of flying high!!!! And when I hit the ground - it just about knocked my teeth out, but with all my might I'd push and fly high again!

Have you ever heard the quote from Anne of Green Gables?

"I can't help but fly up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through the sunset. Almost pays for the thud."

Well... that is the perfect description of my past week! I've flown high - like on the teeter-totter... I've also thudded down to reality - but it's all worth it!

On Friday - flying high - I did a workout on some weight machines at the gym AND I walked through three stores Christmas shopping with Bill! Wow!

Then I hit the ground... but with all my might, I pushed and I soared again. On Sunday, I actually drove myself to Ellen's dance studio and spent the day with her. AND... I even took about 20 min of ballet warm-up class with the company! Wow again! (this is Ellen stretching at warm-up class)

The next day, however, I hit the ground and just couldn't find any strength to push myself up. My exercise intolerance got in the way, plus whatever else throws me low and I had several days of not feeling very well.

Slowly, I'm regaining some strength and again worked out on the weight machines yesterday. Wow do I hurt!!!

And with all my strength - I'm going to push hard to fly again and spend some time at the studio, watching Ellen and her friends in their final weekend of studio rehearsal (in costume) before they head to the theater on Monday.

Now... with all this up and down.... I'm afraid I brought up a topic to Bill at the wrong time. I decided I'd ask if I could get a little motorcycle to ride around town - so I could have some freedom on those days I feel so much better!

He laughed!! My kids laughed! Everyone has laughed and Bill has given me a definite NO WAY!

Ok... so he has a point... motorcycles are pretty dangerous - but there's no way we can afford a second car. I wouldn't have the energy for a bike and I don't want a motorized wheelchair!

He asked me what happened to wanting a convertible Miata. "I'll take it!" I told him! I looked up Miata's on Craigslist... HA... right... that's not even worth putting on the wings of anticipation for! (said laughing)

So... hitting bottom at all the teasing and laughing... I pushed with all my might to fly up on the wings of anticipation... and I changed my request. How about just a scooter (yuk - looks like an old person) or a moped??? Way easier to ride and I'd only be riding in town!!!!

Someone who has never been chronically ill for a long period of time has no idea how wearing it gets to always have to rely on others to get you places, do things for you, etc. And it's been almost more than I can bear being stuck at home in those moments when I do feel well enough to run to the post office, or the library, or to Starbucks! I can't even go by and visit Bill at work (just a mile from here).

But... though soaring on anticipation is glorious.... alas... Bill wouldn't even let me go look at a scooter I found for sale on Craigslist. I wasn't ready to buy... but I just wanted to look at it to see if it was something I really thought I could ride!

So are you all laughing too??? Well... I suppose I don't blame you! It does sound a bit silly... a 47 year old woman - who's been sick for 7 years - riding a scooter around town.

Ah... but the freedom it would bring!!!

Up.... down.... Up..... down..... sigh.

**I've put a poll on the right side of my blog... tell me what you think of my scooter idea! Be honest! :-) **


  1. I'm right there with you in wanting a way to be free and mobile all by myself. If there is a way to make the scooter work, I say, in all seriousness, GO FOR IT!!!

  2. I'm with Rachel. We see more and more of those little Vespas around here, and I think you'd look good on one.

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  4. Go for it friend! If you can't have the miata you might as well have something else fun (and nit nearly as frumpy as a motorized scooter)!

  5. Linda in Washougal says:

    I'm going to have to send Bob Miller's story your way. (30 or so years Portland morning radio host, currently at 860 KPAM, wonderful "salt and light" grandfather who also thought it was a good idea to "run around town" on a scooter and nearly lost his life on his scooter a year ago)

    I've got a better idea. I bet there are plenty of people (like me) who would be more than happy to shuttle you around wherever you want to go when you get the whim. You could even sit in the back seat and we could let you off at the front door.

    Sorry, I'm with Bill on this one. :)

    (sorry I "accidentally" deleted your comment (ha ha). But I still had a copy in my email so I wanted you to get your fair say)

  6. Now... in response to those who are chronically ill with my same illness.. thank you for your understanding.

    To those who have voted that they have a convertible Miata for me... bring it on over anytime!

    To my one (so far) dissenter, I remind you that you can die riding a bike - and driving a car- and sledding.... :-)

    Thanks for the loving offer, but as Emily said, it is a great sign that I am even craving independence. I may not be ready to really find a way to get it... but what a thrill to even have moments where I don't need to rely on someone to do something or get something or take me somewhere! :-)

    I love you all for leaving comments and voting... in my "just for fun" poll.

  7. Okay, since you won't let us taxi you around in our hot stylish mini-van, here's another thought...

    What about one of those little motorized slow-moving (key words!) scooters for old or overweight people (of course you are neither, and people would wonder what on earth you were doing on one). I bet you could get to Bill's work (or even Dollar Tree!) on the sidewalks on a decent weather day. Maybe insurance would even cover it? You could get a cute helmet. :) Cheers, and beep-beep!

  8. Ha ha... Linda... now... I don't have to put one of those big 'ole orange flags on it do I??

    Actually, you have a great point about insurance paying for it!

    However, I think it might take me two hours to get to the Camas Library and back LOL! Don't those only go as fast as walking???

    Hee hee... SPEED... that's what I want... WaaaHaaaaa....

    Yes... that's the spunk that scares Bill too LOL!

  9. Hi Melanie!

    Wow! I'm so happy to see you relishing some fun times.

    Those scooters are so cute, too. But, how about I seriously pray for an answer to the transport issue. Another car? Better in the rain. I'm going to pray that the Lord will answer you cry for a bit more independence, in the way that He can best do.


  10. Get the scooter! What ever it takes to keep you flying. Like it says on my blog. When my grandson has troubles....we modify! I think the scooter is a wonderful idea :) southshoreartist.

    by the way....I love the music on your blog too :)