Home Again

I am HOME!!!

The Gi doc decided to do a different procedure on Saturday - an MRI type thing that checks for stones.

It came back negative so no ERCP. And I was quickly - with no doctor consultation or explanation, dismissed from the hospital.

I have always been so proud of my hospital and doctors because they have never considered my Parial Dysautonomia as mental or drug seeking or anything negative that many others with my illness seem to expereince.

Well, this time was different.

Though I did my best to explain my situation to all three doctors I saw, and every nurse, somehow, I was not heard.

Strange and hurtful responses by doctors, nurses and botched tests filled my last days at the hospital.

This is probably the deepest hurt and disappointment I've felt in a long time... but the two strings holding me up right now are my family - who love me and keep my mind off it and second is my hope in God.

As I was driving home, I was thinking to myself that I have never felt so squashed and defeated and hopeless... but as I thought the word hopeless, my eyes caught the sun, breaking through the clouds, forming the most beautiful sunlight streaming down, and I remember that my hope is not in people (doctors and hospitals) but in God. It was like He was hearing my thoughts and reaching down to remind me of the truth.

"Set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is reavealed"
I Peter 1:13b

So I'm lifting my broken heart up to Him... stressing my ANS by crying... and very slowly processing all that was said to me and assumed about me without really knowing me, my diagnosis, or the reasoning behind my treatments.

My physical pain is better for the most part. It is beleived that the stone I had in the bile duct passed, and hopefully there will not be another one any time soon!

Thank you all for your prayers.

Disappointment and Mercy

What a disappointment this week has been. In March, I traveled back to Ohio to visit the specialst I saw there last year. He gave me a new medication and we began at the lowest dose and have slowly increased it. By the third increase - I found I had a great week! Not a lot of physical energy, but my brain woke up and I was able to paint again!

But then the effects have tapered off and this week I am back to where I was before. But the biggest disappointment is that I had hoped this might be one of those "good" weeks, because I have my very first personal art Exhibit. The opening is this Friday, May 4 and I must be there for four hours to greet visitors and talk art.

But the beautiful mercies of God overshadow the disappointments. The hanging of my art came several days earlier than I had planned. I had so much to do yesterday that my body was literally shaking and felt like it was going to dissintegrate. But God mercifully held me up and reminded me to rely on his strength - even as my strength failed.

A wonderful friend, along with Bill, came to my aid and hung all the paintings for me. They are dispalyed beautifully and much easier than I imagined it would be.

God continues to remind me that I have chosen my painting times as times of worship and love for Him - and he chooses how and when they will touch someone's heart. Through my weakness I am reminded that He is the author of all beauty, all power and all real success. He is the Master artist and I am his creation.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which he prepared in advance for you to do." EPHESIANS 2:10

Pray that my art touches the hearts of those who view it and that it will draw them closer to a true relationship with Him. And, of course, you could ask him to strengthen me for Friday night!

And if you'd like to see the Exhibit it is being held in Columbia Dance Center, May 1- May 31, at 1700 Broadway, one block east of Main St., downtown Vancouver (WA). And of course I'd love to have you visit me on Friday May 4 between 5:00 - 9:00pm for the opening!

~Melanie